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I am inspired by children who battle cancer. Here I keep a diary of their stories and the influence they have left on me.

If you have concerns about the posts, send me an e-mail.

I have seen 5 heartbreaking hospice news in a week. Just in a week. Penelope, Kaylee, Parker, Leni and Sybastian. I've been following Kaylee and Penelope for a long while. They are my heroes inspiring me everyday and making me realizing things I've never seen before. Thus I feel gross, shitty and hopeless.

Penelope is a 2-year old toddler from New Jersey. She has been fighting Stage 4 High Risk Neuroblastoma. There are tumors on head, in left cheek and behind right eye. The tumor makes pressure on her eye and make it swollen. She has constant nosebleed because the tumor is progressing in her sinus. Chemotherapy, MIBG and immunotherapy hasn't been affective. Unfortunately her cancer is incurable. According to her mama, there are few clinical trial options but they are either too harsh lowering the life quality or data deficient. I am so heartbroken that the family made the difficult decision and took her home on hospice. They are praying for comfort and miracle.

The last photos of here are heartbreaking. It is unbearable to watch a 2-year old with swollen eyes and cheeks, trying to enjoy her remaining time on earth without knowing what's happening to her. And she is still smiling, dancing, playing when she has enough energy to stay awake. It is disturbing that no one is able to cure it and give her a chance to grow up. I can't stop thinking about her, I feel ultimately guilty because I don't do anything to save these children. I wish many other people were to feel the same as I do.

Penelope has truly been my inspiration. I love her even though I don't know her. I would trade my soul to save her if I could. I hope she lives every single minute hugging kissing her parents without any pain.

Instagram: @positivelypenelope

Kaylee is out of options. She is going home to enjoy huggings, kisses, snuggles with her beautiful mama and sister. I hate the word hospice. I hate cancer. I hate watching kids return home on hospice. I hate every single human being who ignores these children and prioritize other bullshit problems over childhood cancer.

I was so hopeful about her treatment. I was daily thinking about her as she keeps inspiring me. That news has totally ruined me. I don't want to see her wearing angel wings. I want to see her grow up happily together with her sister. I wish I could trade my own life to save her. I wish I had a chance to meet her instead of being thousands of miles away. Literally don't have a damn opinion how I am gonna work next week trying to suppress my emotions. I don't even want to work anymore.

"When I told her we were going home smiled a big Kaylee smile".. That is just too heavy to read.

Fb: Caring for Kaylee.

It's January 11 2021 Monday and 2:01 AM Central European Time. I just saw the news I was scared to death to face. Klay, my little hero has won the fight. I will never ever forget him, he will always be in my soul and character. Rest in peace, buddy.

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